Losing Focus
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: Sleep has never come easy for Liam. The world possibly coming to an end and him killing someone makes the little sleep he does get disappear all together. Warning Inside.


I'm addicted to this show! I just love Salvation. Though I wish they dealt with some of psychological damage they give the characters. Oh well, that's where fanfics come in. ^_^

Warnings: Graphic gun shot scene. I think that's all, but tell me if you think I need more.

If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

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Yawning widely Liam attempted to keep his whole body from shaking as he reached out for his coffee mug. He had no idea how long he had been awake for anymore, but he felt as if he could fall asleep where he stood. A sigh fell from his lips when he realized that the mug was empty once more.

He had never really gotten a lot of sleep throughout his life. There was always something more important to do and it took so much to get his brain to quiet down. He hadn't realized that he could get even less though.

It wasn't all that shocking considering what was going on in his life. It felt like he was wasting time sleeping. Time that could be used to stop the world from being destroyed. And if he was conveniently forgetting the nightmares that had been plaguing him no one had to know.

Reaching up he tried to rub his aching head with his fingers only to have the mug that was still in his hand hit him. That did nothing to help the headache that had been with him for days. A grunt escaped him as he yawned once more.

As much as he wanted to fall into bed though there were more important things to do. Which was a statement he forced himself to think about every time he wanted to take a break. It also, of course, came up at least five times in every conversation he had with Darius and Grace.

Then there were the conversations he was forced to have with Harris. Something that was never fun to do. He was happy that Darius was usually in control of those talks. He had no idea what was up with the man, but there was just something off about him.

Actually while he was thinking about it he had to admit he didn't trust Grace all that much either. The two government officials were… Liam had no idea how to describe it. All he knew was that with them in the room important information was being held back. By everyone.

It wasn't as if he didn't trust the government. He knew that they were humans just like everyone else. On the other hand, they hadn't really done much except try to push everyone that could help away and try to start the next world war. It didn't inspire much confidence.

His distrust of them didn't matter though. They were all working towards the same goal. They had totally different ways of trying to reach said goal, but they were in it together. At least that was his hope.

Once more he was glad that it wasn't him in charge. Darius had the last say in almost everything and he trusted the genius more than the others. Most of the time. Other times, he was trying to figure out if Darius trusted Darius. He held on though. Hoping for the best.

A part of him hated that he was spending so much time on that. The whole world was in danger of falling apart, or blowing up, and he had no idea who to trust. It wasn't as if everyone was trying to pull him in a different direction and if he went in the wrong one the world was going to fall apart and it would be his fault!

Taking a shaky breath he tried to calm his racing heart. He wished that he had never gotten involved in the first place. That he had just stayed laying in bed with Jillian and ignored his computer telling him something was wrong.

As soon as he thought that though he cursed himself. If he hadn't gotten involved than Darius wouldn't be involved. The older man was a little on the insane side, but he was the one that was pushing the operation forward.

He didn't want to think about what the government would do if they hadn't gotten involved. Mostly because if he thought about it all he could see was the world going down in a fiery ball that had nothing to do with the meteorite.

Darius might not have the best ideas all the time. He was a bit of an asshole that needed to be smacked, but he cared. He cared about the world and everyone on it. All he wanted was to make sure that in the end people survived.

Harris and the rest of his people though… Liam had no idea what he as supposed to think about them. They were trying to save everyone, but at the same time they were trying to save face. It was a ridiculous game they were playing.

Shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts he turned to his computer ready to get back to work only to yawn once more. The screen blurred in front of him as he tried to blink the tears out of his eyes. He never did like that whenever he yawned it looked like he was trying not to cry.

Wiping at his eyes he took a deep breath and stood up. It might not be the best method of keeping himself awake, but he needed another cup of coffee. Or twelve cups of coffee. He wasn't all that picky.

With a plan in mind he started towards the break room. It was a journey that he made so often that he was wondering if he could get a coffeemaker on his desk. At this point in time he was pretty sure that his blood had been replaced with the brown sludge he was mainlining.

He had staggered halfway down the hallway not paying attention to where he was going when he ran into someone. It wasn't much of a hit but he was so tired and shaky on his feet that he ended up on his back laying on the ground.

Blinking a few times he waited for his eyes to adjust so he could see who it was he ran into. A blush came to his cheeks when he saw a slightly amused looking Darius staring down at him. Standing up quickly he started to stutter out an apology to his boss.

"Liam," Darius called holding up his hand causing the younger man's apology to putter out, "You're fine."

"Right," Liam nodded rocking on his heels his eyes darting everywhere, "Is everything alright?"

"You mean other than the fact that the man in front of me looks like he's about to either shake out of his own skin or fall asleep where he stands?"

"Yes?"

A chuckle left the man's lips as he turned on his heel and started back the way he came. He got a few steps away before he motioned for Liam to follow him. Looking sadly at the coffee he wasn't going to get he did what the older man wanted and followed.

He tried to pay attention to where they were going, but his mind wouldn't let him focus. Before he really knew what was going on he was running into Darius's back when he stopped. Strong hand gripped his arms to stop him from falling once more.

Sending the older man a shy smile he looked around the room and saw that they were in a hallway that he wasn't sure if he'd seen before or not. He stood there for a moment not quite understanding what was going on. Which was pretty much par for the course at that point.

"Uh, Darius?" Liam questioned looking at the older man, "I don't… Why am I here? Where is here?"

"We're in my home, Liam," Darius responded calmly though there was something else in his tone that the younger man couldn't figure out, "You've been here before."

"Right. Right. I knew that. Why am I here?"

"Because you look like you're going to pass out. The bedroom's down this hall two doors on the right."

"What?"

"You must be worse off than I thought if you can't even understand that. You can't work if you can't even stay standing. You need to get some sleep."

"I can just have another cup of coffee. I don't..."

"Liam. Bed. Now."

Knowing better than to argue with that tone the younger man lowered his head and started down the hallway. It wasn't often that he had someone bossing him around like that outside of his work, but there was something about Darius that made it not as awkward.

When he walked into the bedroom though all of the awkwardness came rushing at him. It wasn't as if he was standing in the middle of a guest room. No, from everything that was one the walls and the nightstand he knew that he was in Darius's room.

His eyes went wide as he stopped moving completely. Wondering if he had gone into the wrong room he started towards the door only to have his boss walk pass and shut it without looking up from his cellphone.

Liam felt his shoulders sink at that. He knew that he could fight the older man and just walk out, but he didn't. Darius was right about him needed sleep. The zombie like person that he was right then wasn't going to help anyone. Still, that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Sighing he walked over to the wall and stared at some of the photos that were hung up. They weren't anything special to Liam, but they must have meant something to Darius. As soon as he thought that he took a step back.

The man had let him into his bedroom to sleep not to look through his belongings. As much as he was curious about the person that he called his boss he wasn't going to go through his things just to get some insight.

With no other option in his sleep addled mind he made his way to the bed stripping off his shirt and pants as he went. It felt a little strange to be sleeping in his boxers in his boss's bed, but he was too gone to really care about that right then.

Flipping down the bedspread he sat down another yawn escaping him. His eyes felt heavy as he slowly laid down and pulled the blankets around him. His last thought was how happy he was that Darius felt the need to splurge on it his bedding.

 _BANG!_

 _A soft gasp fell from Croft's lips as he fell to his knees. Blood was already soaking through his shirt. Liam watched curiously as the professor dropped onto the ground his unfocused eyes staring at him._

 _Blinking a few times he made his way closer to the other man wanting to get a better look at him. He could hear the harsh breathing rattling the man's chest his hand reaching out for Liam as he tried to say something._

 _A breathy chuckle left Liam's lips as he looked down at the gun in his hand. He had done this. He had killed Professor Croft and it had taken nothing. One little twitch of his finger and the man was on the ground barely able to move._

 _Smiling he raised the gun so it was pointed at the dying man's head. He started to pull the trigger once more when he heard voices echoing around him. Turning around he saw Darius and Grace run into the warehouse with armed men behind them._

 _He could see their lips moving, but it was as if everything was muted. For a moment he watched as the two slowly moved around him as if he was a caged animal. They looked so fearful of him in that moment. No one ever looked at him like that before._

 _Without thinking he lifted the gun and fired. Grace's eyes went wide her mouth falling open in shock as the bullet tore through her stomach. She stood standing for a moment before she became like a puppet with its strings cut off._

 _As she fell to the ground the noises were turned back on. Darius let out a cut off scream his eyes not leaving her body until Liam took a step forward. Instantly the genius's eyes were on him the fear even stronger than before._

" _L-Liam?" Darius stuttered out his hands held out in front of him as if to show he wasn't a threat._

" _D-Darius," Liam mocked taking another step closer only to have the man step away, "Aw, are we afraid?"_

" _Liam, you need to put the gun down."_

" _I don't 'need' to do anything."_

 _Moving calmly he stepped over Grace's body throwing a sneer her way before turning all of his attention back on Darius. Around them the armed officer's moved around as if nothing was wrong. Maybe nothing was wrong._

" _Liam," Darius tried again._

" _Liam," the younger man mimicked, "Aren't you a broken record."_

" _Liam."_

" _Shut up."_

" _Liam!"_

 _Cocking his head to the side Liam watched as Darius called his name without moving his lips. Staggering backwards he tripped over Grace's body landing in the blood. A gasp fell from his lips when he realized what he had done._

 _In the background he could still hear his name being repeated, but all he could see was Grace's eyes empty eyes staring at him. He had done this. He had killed her. He had killed Croft. He had been ready to kill Darius._

" _Liam! Wake up!"_

Letting out a soft scream he jerked up in the bed almost colliding with Darius. Sweat was pouring down his face his chest heaving as he panted. His eyes darted all over the room not taking anything in before strong hand cupped his face forcing him to look at Darius.

The older man's lips were moving, but all he could hear was the sound of a gun shot. He felt as if he was being trapped and he started to try fighting the older man off, but he didn't let go. His grip stayed strong until Liam felt his energy escape him.

Falling forward he dug his nails into the man's shirt holding on tightly as he sobbed. A hand moved from the side of his face to the back of his neck. The grip was tight, but comforting as he sat there crying.

He had no idea how long they stayed there, but soon he was pulling away. Wiping the tears away he moved back a blush coming to his cheeks. Taking a shaky breath he waited a few moments letting himself simply letting the other man comfort him.

"Feel better?" Darius questioned his voice gentler than Liam had heard before.

"Yeah,"the younger man nodded, "I'm sorry. I don't..."

"With everything that's been going on I don't think anyone can blame you for having nightmares."

A sad smile came to Liam's lips as he pulled his legs to his chest. He knew that Darius was right, but he still felt like a child. He hadn't seen Darius or Grace or Harris falling apart because of everything that was going on.

He was working as hard as he could keep the world from being destroyed. Something that didn't really seem to matter to the world. All it wanted to do was throw something else at him that he didn't have the time to deal with. Everything was so crazy.

"Liam," Darius started his hand squeezing the back of his neck, "I know that this is a lot to handle and that you probably don't want to be involved. I don't want to be involved either, but we don't have a choice."

"I don't think we ever had a choice," Liam offered with a snort shaking his head.

"Maybe not, but I also know neither of us would have it any other way."

"I'm scared."

"So am I. We'll figure this out. Every day we're going closer to..."

"No, I..."

"Liam?"

The younger man sighed looking away from his boss. He knew that it was ridiculous to be concerned about anything other than the meteorite, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time his brain got too quiet it would pop up again.

"Liam," Darius prompted gently.

"I'm afraid of what I'm becoming," the man started staring at the bedspread, "What this whole thing is turning me into. I killed someone, Darius. I hadn't even held a gun before this and now I've killed someone! Not just anyone either. Croft. Do you know what that man has done for me? Without him I would have nothing. Nothing! He was… He said I was like his son, but he was like my father. I killed the man that I loved like a father."

"He was going to kill you, Liam."

"I know that. I do, but I can't… He was the only person that ever cared about me. I killed the only person that ever gave a damn about me!"

By the end Liam was yelling his fists punching into the mattress. He clenched his eyes shut tightly trying to stop the tears from falling only to have them spring open when he saw Croft falling once more blood spilling from the gun shot wound that he had put there.

He tried to swallow back the bile threatening to choke him, but it was no use. Pushing Darius away he scrambled toward the bathroom he had seen earlier. He barely made it to the toilet before he was throwing up the little he had in his stomach.

He hadn't been lying when he said that without Croft he wouldn't be where he was. The professor had seen something in him when no one else had. He was the only person that hadn't given up on him.

After two weeks of knowing the man he had the professor's number memorized. The man made sure of that when he found Liam walking around the campus at 2 in the morning drunk. That night he spent hours listening to him drunkenly ramble about everything under the sun.

Croft was his… Croft was his father. In everything but blood. How could he have killed him? What kind of person killed the man that took care of them? Alright, so he was attempting to sell them out to Russia and help destroy the world and he would have killed Liam if he didn't help him do all of that, but… Nothing in his life made sense anymore.

"Liam," Darius called out dropping to his knees beside him, "Liam! You need to calm down before you give yourself a panic attack."

"I killed him," Liam muttered falling back so he was sitting next to the toilet, "I killed Croft."

"Shh. It's okay, Liam. It's going to be okay."

Darius continued to offer empty platitudes as he pulled Liam close enough to rest his head against his chest once more. Feeling the last of his energy slip he allowed the other man to take his full weight.

They sat on the bathroom floor for awhile before the older man forced him to his feet. A small part of him wanted to fight, but he was barely conscious enough to not trip over his own feet as he walked back to the bed.

Slowly he was lowered to the bed and he started to curl up only to have a hand stop him. It took a moment, but soon Darius was next to him on the bed pulling him close. Not knowing what else to do he curled around the warm body.

As he laid there he found himself getting heavy once more. After his latest nightmare he was even more exhausted than before. He hadn't thought that was possible, but he loved being able to prove himself wrong.

Even as sleep tried to pull him under he felt himself fighting it. His mind raced so quickly that it was as if there was static in his brain. It felt as if he was slowly going mad. How was he supposed to stay awake when he was so tired?

"Go to sleep, Liam," Darius said running a soothing hand over his back.

"I don't want to keep seeing it," he whispered not caring if the other man heard him, "I don't want to be that man again."

"I know you don't. I can't promise that it's going to get easier either. I can pretty much guarantee that it's going to get worse. You're not alone in this though. Grace and I are in the same boat."

"You didn't kill someone."

"Maybe not, but Lazlo is dead because of me. Grace might get fired because of me. She and Harris might break up because of me. You had to kill someone because of me. Shall I keep going? I've made a list."

Blinking a few times Liam lifted his head and stared at his boss. In his mind he knew that he wasn't the only one that was having a hard time. He had never seen anyone else falter though. They all seemed so sure of themselves all the time.

He didn't know why he felt better knowing that Darius was having a hard time as well, but he did. The last thing he wanted was for someone else to feel the way he did. Still, knowing that someone understood was an amazing feeling.

It wasn't as if it was going to change anything. No one had been open about what was going on with them individually before and that was the way they'd all like to continue. All of them had much bigger issues to deal with than whatever was going on in their minds.

He didn't know if them not talking was a good thing or not in the long run, but it was the way they were doing it. As much as he cared for Darius he could barely handle his own mind. He definitely couldn't help his friend in the state that he was in.

"I'm tired, Darius," Liam sighed resting his head on the man's chest, "I just… I'm so tired."

"As am I," the older man responded sounding calmer than him, "We'll figure it out."

"How do you know? After everything that's happened how do you know that we're not going to fail?"

"I've seen you work. I know you care as much as I do. You wouldn't be this scared if you didn't."

"You think so?"

"Yes, I do. Though I'd feel a lot better if you got some proper sleep."

Nodding his head Liam let his eyes slip shut. A part of him knew that it probably wouldn't be long before he was waking up from another nightmare, but Darius was right he couldn't stay awake any longer. He didn't want to let another person in his life down…

"Liam. Sleep."


End file.
